Loneliness

   

      Loneliness is a complication. New town, New Job, depression, social anxiety, low self-esteem, no friend, sometimes it's none of those things & sometimes it's all of them. Sometimes it's brief, sometimes it's more long-lasting. Sometimes it makes sense why & sometimes it doesn't make any sense at all.

      There might be a simple solution for some, while for others there is not. You can see why it's so complication, just like with most thing there is no single common cause or cure. Nor is there a clear definition because how could we possibly define any element of something so abstract. If we look at the term loneliness online the first things that pop up is sadness because one has no friend or company. I wouldn't say that entirely true. It wasn't in my case at least.


    For me, it was actually around the time when I was surrounded by people almost constantly, very rarely was I not accompanied by others, although I tried to find my alone moments because of the introvert survival instinct. I felt really lonely& it's not an easy thing to describe. I can barely even describe it to myself but it was kind of feeling trapped inside my own thoughts & feeling. And that bubble almost because of my comfort zone like you almost accepts that this state of mind is your home now.
 
      All that time I couldn't really understand why I was feeling that way. You know how you, sometimes can't seem to think clearly, when you're in a certain situation but then once you're out of the situation & you look back it all becomes crystal clear. I think loneliness can kind of blind you same way it makes us see life through a lens that might not always reflect reality. 


   I realized that I wasn't fully living a life that aligned with my authentic self that might sound cheesy but they're with me. We're human beings, we grow, we learn, we change & that's just life. No matter how much you try to calculate the risks & foresee the future to somehow try to make sure that you're making the right decision in life. You're not a weather app.